Self-pitying…please bear me today!!!

I am going through a mild depression right now. Okay, depression is a very strong word. Wallowing is the right word.
Nothing is going right at work, I mean nothing is going that wrong either. I just don’t know what is happening.

Let’s go through things, for my sake.

At home nothing is happening. In fact I am hardly home for anything to happen.

At work I am again assigned to this stupid UNIX thing which is very difficult because I don’t know UNIX and learning it on my own without any help is very difficult for me. My Manager says learn and then work. Then why don’t you give to the other guy in the team. He says,’ No, he doesn’t know UNIX’. So what the hell I am talking to you about for so long?

Another thing, I have been in this project for almost a year and my team member is here for only 3 months.
But now he is going onsite because just because he has more experience than me. But he is useless. He cannot do anything on his own. Why then???
There are some visa issues but they can be sorted easily. But I think my manager is too lazy to work on them.
I wanted out of this project but my manager is not releasing me. He doesn’t say no outright, but I know how it works.

On personal front, well do you remember the married guy I had a crush on. I had been successfully avoiding him for so long. But recently during the Christmas decorations I couldn’t avoid him any longer. It’s not like I love him or anything but being close to him makes me angry with myself. Why couldn’t I see through it?

And then suddenly I have this horrible felling of loneliness. I know I have a wonderful family and lovely friends. But they have lives of their own.

It is stupid and I know I am being a child. I am behaving like a spoilt girl. But I can’t help it.

I cried most of the way to the office today, of course no one was watching. And believe me I rarely cry even when I am alone.

But all said and done, most of it is nothing I haven’t experienced before. It’s not anything I cannot handle.

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7 thoughts on “Self-pitying…please bear me today!!!

  1. Even though I’m engaged and ugly as hell, I’d gladly take you out for cofee and crack some really dumb jokes to get you to feel better.

    Feel free to take me up on my offer, else I can hook you up with some really smart looking lanky dudes from my office (all single, no hassles).

    All in all, just take it easy.. the secret is to take a *deep* breath in… oh, and don’t forget to breath out 😛

  2. Hmm, I guess it’s not impossible that the man of your dreams could turn out to be your divisional director, or the expenses clerk, or the late night office cleaner, but don’t forget that there are people outside of the office too.

    You know, Unix isn’t so bad, but rather more importantly – it pays more 😉 After all, everyone is a Microsoft expert, but how many people know ‘nix?

    But that’s enough office talk. I took your advice V, and started reading Shantaram 🙂 and I am loving it, so thank you.
    Now then, things to do outside of work? Let’s see, what’s this I was reading about Kathak …

  3. Thanks PJB, thats a good thought xxx

    Hemanshu: If you talk about hooking me up with someone, I’ll ban you from my blog 🙂
    No but seriously those are the very things that my married and engaged friends are doing and I am running away from that.
    Thanks for your coffee offer though. I don’t want you to see me and say, ‘Oh…so this is the girl who writes dumb things on her blog and gets sad about nothing’ 🙂

  4. Bunny: Thanks for popping in.
    I am not always like that. Trust me I am happy to be single, I have a good life apart from office and office people.
    It’s just that sometimes I don’t know what happens. This time I blogged coz it wasn’t cured by itself. I had to get it out of my system and I am glad I did. It helped.
    And Kathak is fab, you know I love dancing and there is no better stress reliever.

    Glad you are liking Shantaram. I haven’t started on Skallagrigg yet. Sorry.

  5. Hey what did you mean about “these are the very things my married and engaged friends are doing?” By hooking up I meant that I would try and find you a match, not help you have an affair or such!!

    As for the coffee affair (oops, offer), come on girl.. you live around Aundh and so do I.. it would be nice to have a friend who is local and willing to go for coffee.. just to chat up or even sit in silence and read books.. 🙂 What say, do let me know.

    And in general, take it easy 🙂

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