And here comes the ‘I am so sad’ post again. I am bored all the time. And it’s not like “bore” bore. It is something deeper. I get bored while watching a movie, I get bored eating, and I get bored shopping (see?).
My dad says it happens when you don’t get what you expect. And he is bang on target, as always. I know what I want. I need a change, a desperate one. I need a background change, you know the way you change wallpaper. I wish it was that simple.
To get what I want I need to change the job, the city, everything. And frankly I am afraid to do that. I have been living in this city for years, actually all my life. And I am afraid of change. And if I decide to change cities it is going to be a major one.
I was anyways having 2 minds about it when I went to this resort, where they had a fortune teller as a side feature. I just went to him for curiosity sake. And he says to me, ‘you are thinking of making a major change in your life’. I asked him if it would be good or bad. And he says,’ All I cans say is don’t take any rash decisions’. Now I wish he knew how indecisive I am. I fully blame my sun sign for it. I am a Libran after all. My scales keep on tilting one way or the other. He made it even more difficult for me.
But then I was going through my “time pass” folders and I found something I had copied in a notepad long ago from some blog.
“I don’t miss being single, and I completely understand how it feels to still be looking. And the only bit of advice I can offer is, try to see your life as an adventure. Imagine that you’ll be married in less than a year. What do you want for you right now, knowing that soon your life will never be the same? Will you ever have the chance to travel alone? I know it sounds scary or lonesome, but really, you live this life only once. Why wouldn’t you dare to do something that scares you a little? What is it that you think you might miss about your life right now, as it is? Do more of it. Because chances are, that’s exactly what will happen. I’m not sure it’s ever exactly as we planned.”
This has given me enough courage to do what I want to. It was like a final stamp that says “now I am sure”
I wrote the above in the morning. After lunch I spoke to my manager. She said she doesn’t have any problems; in fact they encourage transfers within the company. But she said I need to talk to my vertical manager for my release from the project. Until then she cannot release me. So I will speak to my vert. manager on Monday. Let’s see what he has to say. But I am hopeful. He can’t tie me to the chair right? I can also subtly hint that if I don’t get the release my only option will be to resign.
See I have it all figured out. So by April end most probably I’ll be in Bangalore. Fingers crossed. I can already feel the sadness lifting…