When you are in an age or in a state where you are looking for a serious relationship, you just dont become blind with love or lust or attraction or whatever you like to call it. You are not head over heels. Dating is not fun anymore. Or not JUST fun anymore. You weigh the pros and the cons and you get worried if the cons outweigh the other. You judge too much.
You find a hidden meaning in an innocent comment where there was nothing at all. The dates are not like the ones you had as teenagers or even when you weren’t looking for a serious relationship. You dont want to waste time on a guy who is giving you more red signals than green ones. You fear you’ll loose another oppurtunity while you are still very confused about the guy you are cureently dating. It is not the same as gradually knowing the guy as time goes by without putting a microscope on every action of his.
Your biological clock is ticking, you measure everything with respect to time.
I dont know if its good or bad, but it is happening in my case. Remember i spoke about a guy before? We went on a few dates. We spent a lot of time on the phone. But most of the time we were analyzing each others every word and every action. He has an ego. But i dont know how much. And I am not sure how much is exactly too much.
He thinks a woman should work only to fight boredom. And a man should be the sole provider which is completely against what i believe in. I thought i could change the way he thinks. So i ignored this one comment. I didn’t receive his call once because i was in a meeting. He called back in the evening and my cell was switched off as the battery was down. He didn’t call me for 10 days after that, neither did he mail me, where as he mailed me at least thrice everyday and caleld me every alternate day. I didn’t call back because i had no balance left and i wanted to change my connection.
Whatever. Finally when i called back after 10 days when my new connection was in place, he said to me casually,” I can take anything from you, but if you hurt my ego, i wont call you back ever again”.
Thats when i knew he has an ego with the size of the Himalayas. I mean, i don’t know, i may be wrong here, but it is something i dont like and something i dont think i’ll be able to change.
One of my friend said to me once,”Never expect to change a guy. He’ll compromise, but he wont change. Go for it if you accept him as he is and accept the fact that he is not going to change. If he does, well and good, but if he doesn’t, dont make yourself miserable about it”.
As i said to Huw the other day, I am not ready to accept him as he is. We have not reached that level in the relationship. But i feel the scale is tilting more to the read than the green. I dont want to give ourselves more time. So I will be calling it quits. From now on we are “Just Friends”.